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by Jolandi Adlem (Author)
She's not imagining it.
And you're not losing your mind.
Hot flashes. Mood swings. Tears over nothing. Sudden silence. Unexpected rage.
Hot Flushes and Cold Shoulders are a practical, honest, and unexpectedly funny survival guide for men navigating one of the most misunderstood seasons in a relationship: menopause.
This is not a medical textbook, and it's not written from a distance. It's written for the partner who is suddenly standing in a room where everything feels different, conversations shift without warning, emotions rise fast, and nothing seems to land the way it used to. If you've ever felt like you're trying your best but still getting it wrong, this book is for you.
Menopause doesn't arrive quietly. It shows up in heat waves that seem to come from nowhere, nights that don't feel restful anymore, mood changes that can feel confusing or even unfair, and a sense that the relationship you knew is being rewritten in real time. For many men, the hardest part is not the changes themselves but not knowing what is happening or how to respond without making things worse.
This book breaks that silence in a straightforward, relatable way. It explains what is happening in simple language, but more importantly, it focuses on what you can actually do in the moment. How to respond when emotions run high. How to support without trying to fix everything. How to stay connected when communication feels strained. And how to protect your relationship from unnecessary distance during a stage that is already naturally disruptive.
There is also a human side to this guide. It acknowledges the awkwardness, the mistakes, the moments where you say the wrong thing and immediately wish you could take it back. It doesn't judge those moments, it normalises them. Because most men are not doing it wrong on purpose, they are just unprepared.
Alongside practical advice, the book uses light humour to make difficult moments easier to process. Not to minimise what's happening, but to make it easier to stay present without shutting down or walking away emotionally.
At its core, Hot Flushes and Cold Shoulders is about understanding. Understanding what your partner is experiencing but also understanding your own reactions in the process. It is about staying connected when things feel unfamiliar and finding steadiness in a season that can feel unpredictable.
If you care about your relationship and you want to show up better, even when you're not sure how, this book offers a grounded place to start.
