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by Ramone Smith (Author)
I remember it like it was yesterday at three years old watching the Brady Bunch and how stable that white family appeared to be. They lived in a big house, had both parents together, and seem to have enough resources to abundantly accommodate every family member. Mentally I contrasted this with my reality of our small apartment consistent instability and of course a prominent family member missing. I remember saying to my brother Glen, "I wish I were White". I did not realize it at the time but my self -esteem was taking a deep plunge that would continue in a downward spiral through out most of my life.
My story is not unique. In fact, unfortunately it is almost the norm for a large percentage of blacks born in urban neighborhoods of America. As a result, many of us grow up confused, afraid and uncertain about our abilities partly because our families are fragmented and we haven't been taught the right tools we need to navigate our lives in a sometimes hostile environment. Subsequently we become adults and continuously make bad choices that have negative consequences that ultimately dictate the direction of our lives. All too often they have tragic outcomes. I was fortunate. Older positive black people always seemed to take a liking to me and offered advice and guidance. Perhaps I was actively looking for a father figure on some sub conscience level and was not aware of it on my mental surface. By the time I was seventeen, I had committed several petty crimes for money. One night I was arrested for disorderly conduct and was sentenced to probation for a year. My probation officer was a Black man named Stephen Chandler and he asked me two questions: was I still in school, and did I have any children. At the time I was in school but was failing miserably. Also, I was fortunate enough not to have been teenage father. Mr. Chandler simply responded, "There is still hope for you". It was not easy, but I change my life and subsequently achieved several accomplishments including a Masters degree in Political Science from Long Island University. However, despite all of my apparent success I continued to suffer from low self-esteem. I thought that my academic success would eradicate that feeling of ineptness. Nonetheless, it continued indefinitely through out my life. Finally, after a period of uncertainty with my employment status and direction with my life, I bought a book on how to enhance self-esteem. I was depressed and I thought it might offer something I did not already know. The book had a strong impact on me and over time I gradually improved my self-esteem. The book explained that the concept of self-esteem is a learned behavior and our life's experiences play a significant role in its health. Also, it maintained that in order to increase self-esteem, we must be willing to do the internal work and sometimes this process can be painful. In some cases this may include therapy and counseling.
Number of Pages: 152
Dimensions: 0.33 x 8 x 5 IN
Publication Date: August 29, 2011
