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by Stafford Ray (Author)
This story is told through a series of sessions with a psychiatrist as an older man come to terms with damage to himself by others, and to others by himself as a co-dependent sex addict.
Brought up in the Exclusive Brethren sect, frequently belted with a leather strap to exorcise Satan, where sex is only ever explained in terms of sin and damnation, the young child is exposed to sexual experiences and information that he had no tools to process nor trusted adult to consult.
His self-esteem suffers under constant belittling by his father, who denies praise to maintain control over the boy, who develops a severe stutter and wets the bed. Puberty is a nightmare of misunderstood biology, sinful feelings and holy retribution.
A series of risky behaviours, some self-generated and others set up by his father, threaten to end the child's life on many occasions. The gift of a rifle at fourteen, coinciding with his peak of self-loathing, almost gets him there.
Relief comes in the form of a significant friendship with another loner, a child of an Atheist communist family where he is offered alternative social structures from his Brethren family models. Here, he is appreciated for his musical ability and ideas. He hears poetry and stories that are not from the Old Testament. This rich environment supports him when the Brethren turn on the family and they are 'withdrawn from', an excommunication that devastates his father, but eventually comes as a relief to the boy.
As the sessions come to an end, he is still challenged by his instincts of co-dependence, but avoids actions that might threaten his integrity. He no longer needs to 'buy' affection and enjoys warm and trusting relationships with his children and partner, built on respect and empathy.
