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by Dennis Lowell (Author)
Parents understand that their children will have different personalities and interests, but are seldom prepared for differences in sexual orientation or gender identity. These are not choices or learned behavior, but are traits that people are born with. If you assume your kids will be heterosexual and ignore the subject during a child's formative years, you may leave a gay child to suffer in silence. Fear, depression, substance abuse and even suicidal thoughts are common among gay children who believe they cannot talk to their parents about their true feelings. Some kids instinctively know their orientation before they're even in grade school, and some don't recognize those feelings until puberty or later. But your child should be absolutely certain that your love is unconditional, and that's not the case with many children who believe their parents won't love them if they're gay. A "coming-out" confession when your child is older - if it happens at all - may be a tearful ordeal that you never expected. If gay people have been disparaged in your church, synagogue or mosque, think about the youngsters sitting in the pews who know they're gay and are being told they're the worst kind of sinners. Their parents may not share those views, but have avoided expressing their acceptance of gay and lesbian people. And if that's the case, the gay child will not open up to his or her parents for a very long time, if ever. You may be focused on stereotypical behaviors and are certain that all your children are destined to be heterosexual. But realistically, you have no way of knowing whether they're straight or gay if you haven't talked about it. And even if your kids are straight, those children need to hear some straight talk about sexual orientation and tolerance so they don't become the class bullies. The kids who are taught to be homophobic, or are shielded from learning anything at all about homosexuality, may eventually deal with gay classmates in a violent way. An important aspect of their psycho-social education is the knowledge that gay people exist in every strata of society, that they are not to be feared or reviled, and that they deserve respect.This book encourages you to be open with all of your children about sexual attractions, and to make it clear at a very young age that it's OK for boys to like boys and girls to like girls. That information is no more traumatic for a small child than the Cinderella story. The child will see it as perfectly natural if you present it that way, and it doesn't have to involve discussions about sex before they're ready for sex education. Age-appropriate discussions, gay role models and gay-friendly TV fare will let your child know that whatever he or she is feeling is acceptable to you and the world at large.If you ignore the subject until you're forced to acknowledge it, our society's attitudes about gays - and perhaps, inadvertently, your own - may put your child through an internal struggle that can be a living hell. And you may be blissfully unaware of it until the child is ready to confide in you. If your boy has effeminate traits or your girl is a "tomboy," the child may also have suffered verbal or physical abuse from other kids and has been afraid to share those experiences with you. You will have missed the opportunity to be supportive when your child really needed your support.You won't have a choice about your children's sexual orientation. It will simply happen as it's meant to happen, and you won't be able to change it. But you can teach all your children that everyone, gay or straight, deserves the chance to be happy in life and love. If you do, it won't matter whether your kids turn out to be straight, gay, bisexual, transgender or asexual. Each child will grow up to be either a happy, well-adjusted sexual minority or a kind and tolerant mainstream heterosexual. Either way, you can't lose.
