Additional information
by Dave Wheitner (Author), Evan Ocean (Contribution by)
**Winner, Sexuality, 6th Annual Beverly Hills Book Awards**
Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship with a partner who may be a low-interest asexual? Praised by leading sexuality experts, this self-help memoir from the sexual partner's perspective is a first.
Around one percent of the population-millions worldwide-may be asexual. Asexuals, with some exceptions, do not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality remains the "invisible orientation," largely unknown and misunderstood.
While some asexuals enjoy sex, a large majority do not. For those who do not, relationships with sexually motivated people can be challenging. Because in-depth discussion and education about sexuality is limited in our culture, mismatched partners may initially be unaware of differences. This can lead to frustration and confusion. Blaming helps no one.
Blending elements of Evan Ocean's intimate story with his own, Dave Wheitner shares expertise and perspective from counseling and psychology degrees, sexuality and intimacy training, and firsthand experiences similar to Evan's. The book cites 120+ sources, including works by asexual authors.
Whether you're a sexually motivated partner or relationship professional, the candid story, insights, tools, and tips will resonate with you.
This second edition incorporates the asexual community's constructive feedback.
Important:
This book candidly shares a sexually motivated person's blunders and misunderstandings while learning about asexuality. It acknowledges and validates emotions like frustration, resentment, and rejection, while guiding the reader toward a place of increased understanding. It condemns violations of consent and offers guidance on moving beyond sexual entitlement. It supports the reader in owning the expression and expansion of their own sexuality.
Partial Content Overview
Part One: A candid memoir about the challenges of a mixed-orientation relationship, from the sexual partner's perspective. A detailed explanation of what asexuality is and isn't. A primer on attraction, desire, libido, and arousal.
Part Two: How to clarify what you want. Identify common internal obstacles to sex and pleasure, such as guilt and shame. Begin to accept and forgive yourself and your partner if necessary. Address feelings of entitlement if needed. Learn to manage "no" and "yes" better. Begin to own your sexuality.
Part Three: Ways to expand physical and emotional intimacy with your partner, and also with others if desired. Types of intimacy and giving styles, foreplay, non-genital sensual touch, snuggle parties, and polyamory.
Part Four: Strategies for becoming a better sexual partner. Improve presence, awareness, and communication; enlist creativity; address body insecurities; gain perspective on masturbation and porn; make time for sex.
Part Five: Guidance on coming out to others, enlisting support, and preparing to shift out of a relationship if other options don't work. Loosen the grip of the societal "sexual control matrix."
This book is *not* intended to provide:
-A half-hour quick read or overnight fix.
-Strategies for keeping your relationship in its current state. Rather, it is intended to help you determine what changes may best serve everyone's interests. That could mean modifying or possibly ending a relationship.
-A replacement for the great books on asexuality written by asexual authors. This book provides a significant introduction, but is still the tip of the iceberg.
-Guidance on determining whether you are asexual. This book is intended primarily for sexually motivated partners, or for individuals who don't like sex and want a different perspective.
