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by Laura Dabney (Author)
The destigmatising and compassionate guide written from a psychiatrist's perspective on how to navigate relationships when you or your loved one has a personality disorder (PDO)
I Need You... Now Go Away! offers a powerful guide to understanding and transforming your relationship and step out of harmful push-pull cycles. Whether you're struggling with a loved one's behaviour - or recognizing patterns in yourself - this book helps you make sense of what's really going on beneath the surface.
Truth: "PDOs are patterns of behavior that keep people at arm's length from those they care about... The difference is that people with PDOs consistently do things that disrupt their relationships, whether at home, work, or elsewhere. Their behavior gravely impacts a major area of their life." MYTH: "People with personality disorders cannot be treated."
Truth: "With the right therapy, many people with PDOs are treatable. Being diagnosed with one is not a death knell. It does not have to be for life. PDOs are learned, self-protective behaviors that can be unlearned. Most of the patients I treat learn to be in healthy, even thriving, relationships." MYTH: "It's impossible to have a meaningful relationship with someone with a personality disorder."
Truth: "It's a matter of addressing unconscious fears around closeness and distancing. Many of my patients improve existing relationships or enter intimate relationships for the first time. It takes awareness, willingness, diligence, trust, and support, but, in many cases, it can be done."
With a foreword by bestselling author Jed Diamond (founder of The Good Men Project), Dr. Laura Dabney takes you inside the psychiatrist's office, revealing real clinical observations, treatment approaches, and practical strategies you can apply in your own life. For almost twenty-five years, Dr. Dabney has seen patients with personality disorders and has been featured in HuffPost, US News and World Report.
Inside, you'll discover:
- How to recognize destructive relationship patterns and interrupt them
- A clear, non-stigmatizing look at seven different personality disorders--beyond just narcissism, sociopathy, and borderline traits
- How people with these patterns think, feel, and behave--and why
- Practical tools to rebuild trust, connection, and emotional safety
With the right insight and guidance, you can break free from repeating cycles, build healthier connections, and finally experience the kind of lasting intimacy you've been searching for.
Author Biography
Dr. Laura Dabney has been a psychiatrist in Virginia Beach, Virginia, for almost twenty-five years. In her psychiatry residency training, she learned to treat people with personality disorders. But it was not until she opened her practice in 2000 and joined a supervision group with other dynamic and analytic therapists that she really started to understand personality disorders in depth and adapt her treatment accordingly.
Dr. Dabney has treated patients in more than a dozen cities across Virginia, including Richmond. Her psychiatric expertise has been featured on radio, podcasts, websites, and in print media including Martha Stewart Weddings, Bustle HuffPost, Travel and Leisure, US News and World Report, and more. She consults for several major institutions, including the Virginia Veterans Administration Medical Center. In addition to receiving her MD, she is board certified in psychiatry and certified in life coaching. She was educated at Eastern Virginia Medical School in Norfolk, Virginia, and still resides in that area with her husband of thirty-three years and near her two grown sons and their families.
