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by Robert T. Tauber (Author)
Like apples and oranges, praise is praise and encouragement is encouragement. They are not synonyms. Praising also is not a way to encourage. Praise is used to express a favorable judgment, approval or evaluation. Normally it is delivered after a deemed worthy product or event has occurred. Encouragement is used to fortify, energize, buoy, inspire, boost or impart resolution. Normally it is delivered as part of the ongoing process to reach a goal. This book presents sixteen reasons why one should be cautious in delivering praise. Each caution, alone, is sufficient to have a deliverer of praise take notice; collectively, the sixteen cautions present an overwhelming case against its use. Interestingly enough, there is not a single caution exists for avoiding the use of encouragement.Praise, first and foremost, is designed to shape, cajole and manipulate. It most often is perceived by the receiver as an evaluation even if the sender did not intend the message to be an evaluation. Praise is the single most important tool for believers in operant conditioning. It, along with rewards, is the basis of B. F. Skinner's behavior modification. When an audience is asked, "Do you like to be manipulated," the response is a unanimous "No!" When challenged, "If do not like to be manipulated, what makes you think others like to be manipulated?" the audience begins to have second thoughts regarding the use of praise.Praise, among other things, can be a sneaky way to flatter and increase, not decrease, the psychological distance between two people, can feel good when received but feel punishing when expected but is denied, can contribute to feelings of entitlement and narcissism, can stifle risk-taking, and can diminish the value of intrinsic rewards. Lavish false praise, flowing from our current self-esteem movement, can be worse than no praise at all. Praise, like diamonds, holds its value due to its scarcity. It can be diluded and devalued when overused. Encouragement, on the other hand, can be delivered to everyone, every time, and in every situation. It is an endless motivator.Part of the attraction of praise is the fact that it is so easy to deliver. Saying "good job," "wow," or "that's tremendous," does not involve a lot of effort and thought. Encouragement messages take a bit more time to compose and deliver, but they carry with them the ability to buoy, bolster, energize and fortify the receiver. Unlike praise, encouragement helps keep the lines of communication open between the sender and the receiver. With praise, after it is delivered, there is little else for the receiver to say but "Thank you."Readers of this book are asked to take the 85% challenge. That challenge consists of, after reading this book, whether they are willing to commit to stopping, or at least significantly reducing, their use of praise. In group situations such as classes or seminars, from 85% to 90% of the audience makes this commitment. There has never been an exception!The bulk of this text addresses using encouragement instead of praise when the receiver interprets praise as an evaluation. Practice opportunities are provided. The last portion of the book addresses two special cases. One, what to do when someone does not feel praiseworthy, and what to do when someone does feel praiseworthy. In both situations the existence of strong feelings can interfere with a person getting on with the daily chores of life. These feeling must be handled. Once again, praise is not the answer.
