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by Janice Sterling Gaunt (Author)
Janice shows her readers how to stay in the driver's seat and not just be along for the ride. This no-nonsense book is divided into three easy-to-read sections that her reader can use at the appropriate stages of her dating life.
Section I is "Dating Bootcamp." Here, Janice reveals that the secret of successful dating is to first know yourself. Before you go on a single date, you've got to "clean out your closet," which means eliminating the old, ineffective dating skills and do emotional housekeeping from past failed relationships. This is important because doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result is not only insanity but exhausting and discouraging.
Section II is "The Dating Game." Now you're ready to take action: pick up the phone, get in the car, and meet the man-or men-who say they find you attractive. This section is divided into two phases:
1. The Marketing Phase. This should last one to six months. Janice cleverly explains that at the beginning of any new relationship, each person markets themselves to the other. Honest marketing of yourself must not be deceptive; it's just that you'll show your potential squeeze the best parts of yourself. She cautions against the warning signs that keep you from visiting Heartbreak Hotel in the town that never sleeps.
2. The Comfort Zone. This lasts four to nine months. At this point in the game, you've been dating the same guy and you haven't seen anything that turns your stomach into a knot. The two of you have probably been having sex and you are beginning to think there is a real possibility that this may be your future husband. You have spent enough time with him that your worries and insecurities have subsided, and you are relatively comfortable that he is actually who he has appeared to be.
But there could be storm clouds. Men commonly have sexual anxiety, as in, "Am I going to be stuck having sex with just this one woman for the rest of my life?" He may have an uncontrollable urge to run from your relationship, thus becoming a "dance away lover." Janice digs deep and explores topics including the four types of intimacy-intellectual, physical, sexual, and emotional-as well as how to implement a healthy boundary system to keep from becoming too enmeshed with your new flame. She also unflinchingly discusses abuse in all its forms, and how to spot the warning signs and take action.
Section III is "I Think This Is My 'Boo.'" Now things are getting serious! At this point in your dating journey, you're probably visualizing how your life could look being married to the guy you've been dating for the last year. Janice guides you through this perilous phase, especially if the man seems noncommittal. She encourages the reader to ask herself some honest questions: "What is it about this relationship that makes me feel so happy? How does this fit into my value system? Do I feel confident with this person? Is he honest and trustworthy? Does this relationship encourage a broad or narrow outlook on life, friendships, values, or interest?" and much more.
Personal finance becomes an issue, too. Janice advises that before you get married, you each have full disclosure financially-income, savings, investments, debt, even the past five years of income tax returns. Each person needs to be fully aware of where their partner is financially.
Conflict resolution becomes important. When two people spend a lot of time together, it is inevitable that there will be an occasional disagreement or argument. Janice tackles this thorny issue and provides down-to-earth tools and techniques for easing through the rough patches.
