Additional information
by David Okonah (Author)
You already know what you should do. You have read the parenting books. Done the courses. And you are still standing in the hallway at 11 pm, making the reactive response you swore you would not make.
This is not an information problem. It never was.
When You Grow, They Grow holds both things happening to you right now: your teenager or young adult pulling toward independence, and the quieter grief underneath - the identity you set aside when parenting consumed everything. Every parenting book addressed the first. Every self-help book addressed the second. Neither held both. This one does.
Built on seven decades of research across developmental psychology, attachment theory, polyvagal neuroscience, and family systems science, this book gives anxious parents a framework that works at the level of identity - where lasting change happens.
THE BRAVE FRAMEWORK - five steps for the reactive moment:
(B)reathe - one exhale that interrupts the stress response (R)ecognise - the question that separates the trigger from the story you tell yourself (A)ct - the identity question that closes the knowing-doing gap (V)oice - making your growth visible to your child (E)volve - releasing your child and reclaiming yourself as one movement
THE MIRROR MODEL links five parent practices to child outcomes: the parent who trusts their judgment raises a child who trusts theirs; the parent who tolerates discomfort without rescuing raises a resilient child; the parent who builds an identity outside the role gives their child permission to develop one of their own.
THE BTR SYSTEM - Breathe, Track, Reframe, Act, Reflect - is the in-the-moment tool for the actual hallway, when it counts. Twelve evidence stories. Real outcomes. Proof.
For parents of teenagers and young adults who have tried positive parenting, mindful parenting, and setting better limits, and find the reactive patterns returning. For the parent who senses that anxiety about their child and a lost sense of self are connected. For the parent ready to stop over-functioning and start becoming.
"The first tool that works in the actual moment." "The first book that understood I was the one who needed to change." "This taught me to let my children see me growing."
Workbook and facilitator guide available separately.
